I can’t focus on my porn with all of this real sex going on around me!
The thing about fucking in a Prius is that you don’t have to feel guilty about it. ‘Cause, you know, there’s no carbon footprint.
God, I love John Waters!!!! …sometimes.
Elle Miers, my roommate <3
Oh my God! I am so ready for this sandwich!
I’m going to get a tattoo on my left arm that says “Correlation is not causation” and one on my right arm that says “The plural of anecdote is not data”. That way I can more easily respond to people who try to talk to me about serious things. Also, probably one that says “Ghosts aren’t real; you were just tired, sillybilly”. That’s a more specific one.
You make my heart have premature ventricular contractions.
Natalie Portman, “No Strings Attached”
I stopped at Tower for a pre-work drink. The three primary TVs had the Mizzou game on. The hidden TV in the corner that nobody was watching had the Cardinals game on. I think you can track the decline of the U.S. as a superpower by the rate at which football has eclipsed baseball as its national pastime.
No. Fuck Diabetes! I am afraid of Diabetes! Seriously. No. Just… fuck that. Fuck Diabetes. I don’t want to have anything to do with it.
a friend who (in hindsight) wishes to remain anonymous.
Bitch, you don’t know nothin’ ‘bout my diabeetusss!
I’m so in love with you. It’s like a disease. It’s like Polio.
I like people too much or not at all.
I guess t9 isn’t so bad after all. When I text the word ‘puking’ it says I’m trying to text the word ‘Pujols.’
She had never travelled and so could invent all kinds of strange places without being limited, as travelled people are, by knowledge of certain places only.
I was born in a family of landless peasants.
Go out and do something. It isn’t your room that’s a prison, it’s yourself.